Presenting Authenticity in the New Year
New year; new you! 1,000 ways to lose that holiday weight! Get organized this year! Get fit this year! CHANGE this year! Headlines like these will flood the internet, newspapers, and magazines today. Yoga studios and gyms will be full today, this week, maybe this month. Health food and diet companies will have plenty of new customers, as will professional organizers, plastic surgeons, nail technicians, and beauty professionals. The change in our calendar from December 31 to January 1 makes us believe that we can have a fresh slate, change into the person we have always wanted to be, and leave the past in a pile of ash as we charge toward the future, which we are certain will be better.
We make a mistake, I believe, when we think that an arbitrary change in date will enable us to fundamentally change our beliefs, values, and behaviors. I do not mean to belittle the ceremonial significance of the new year to those who authentically practice a change. But in the same vein as present-day Christmas and Easter are highly commercialized and disconnected from their Christian and Pagan roots, New Year's Eve and New Years Day lack an authenticity of change for many. Sure, a lot of us are well intentioned as we try to better ourselves for the new year. Most of us forget that we are who we are and changes that only come from within and God (or as AA puts it, your Higher Power), so we throw ourselves into making huge behavioral changes because it's January 1 without doing the necessary spiritual and psychological preparation. Sometimes the change we are trying to make is suggested by someone else or to please someone else. Once we try to implement any change and fail, many of us beat ourselves up or throw in the towel.
So, how do we face the new year? I've come up with some ideas--17 in celebration of 2017. Use the ones that suit you:
1. Remember who you are and who you want to be. Only make changes in the direction of authenticity.
2. Consult God (or your Higher Power) for guidance in making changes. A trusted human like a therapist, spiritual guide, or guru can also be helpful.
3. Don't make changes just to please others. Sometimes others can prompt change because they notice things about us that we need to be confronted with, but lasting change must be your own decision.
4. Make manageable changes. Don't try to change fundamentally who you are or all of your eating habits or every bad habit you have all at once. A few books I would recommend on small changes include:
For general (secular) change: One Simple Change by Winnie Abramson: https://www.amazon.com/One-Simple-Change-Surprisingly-Transform/dp/1452119570
For individual (Christian) change: The Me I Want to Be by John Ortberg: https://www.amazon.com/Me-Want-Be-Becoming-Version/dp/031034056X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1483293880&sr=1-1&keywords=the+me+i+want+to+be+john+ortberg
For Couples (Christian) change: The Love Dare by Alex Kendrick and Stephen Kindrick: https://www.amazon.com/Love-Dare-Day-Devotions-Couples/dp/1433677288/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1483294008&sr=1-2&keywords=the+love+dare+day+by+day+a+year+of+devotions+for+couples
5. If you "fail," don't beat yourself up or throw in the towel. Reassess the change you want to make. Are you trying to change too much too fast? Are you set up for success? What else do you need to make this change?
6. Have a trusted accountability partner. This can be a therapist, spiritual guide, friend, or family member. Be sure this person would never berate you for not meeting a goal, but also would never just "let you get away with it."
7. Reflect on your progress on a regular basis, ideally daily. Be honest about what is going well and what is not going well.
8. Develop a routine. Don't make it so rigid that you can't stick to it, but don't let it be so loose that it's nonexistent.
9. Be patient with yourself. Wanting to make this change is obviously because you have done something a certain way for quite some time. Real change takes time.
10. Figure out an appropriate way to celebrate small changes. Obviously, if you are trying to lose weight, you don't want to celebrate your first 3 lb loss with a big piece of cheesecake, nor do you want to celebrate your new more frugal spending habits with retail therapy.
11. Thank those who are helpful and release those who are not.
12. Wait for one change to become habit before you try to add another change.
13. As you make this change, continue to check in with yourself to see how the change "fits." Do you still feel like you? If not, reassess something. Is this change authentically you? Maybe it is. Maybe you weren't as in touch with yourself before your change.
14. Give yourself a break. This change should not consume your entire life. After all, when all you think about is needing to workout, it's hard to learn to enjoy it.
15. Don't blame everything on the habit you are currently trying to change. It is unlikely that every single issue you have is caused by one single behavior.
16. Do not feel to make any changes January 1, only when you are ready!
17. Keep your expectations reasonable. Even when you are succeeding at making your change, you will not see the results you seek immediately. Relax into the process. After all, if this change sticks, this will be your new normal.
Happy New Year Everyone!
