How Much is Too Much Authenticity?
This is a great question. Some people are genuine or forthcoming by nature (like when someone asks about my politics or religion and I answer without blushing). Some cultures are clear or blunt (like signing Deaf folks, for the most part). Others are a bit more guarded. Those who feel more naturally inclined to keep private may see those willing to tell-all to be impolite or even rude. Those who feel comfortable sharing their points of view may see those who are not as evasive, while those who are more private may see those who are transparent as rude or just too much. Either mode can actually be authentic.
As Mirriam-Webster defines, there are multiple meanings to “Authentic”: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/authentic
Definition of authentic
1a : worthy of acceptance or belief as conforming to or based on fact <paints an authentic picture of our society>b : conforming to an original so as to reproduce essential features <an authentic reproduction of a colonial farmhouse>c : made or done the same way as an original <authentic Mexican fare>
2: not false or imitation : real, actual <an authentic cockney accent>
3: true to one's own personality, spirit, or character <is sincere and authentic with no pretensions>
4a of a church mode : ranging upward from the keynote — compare plagal 1b of a cadence : progressing from the dominant chord to the tonic — compare plagal 2
5obsolete : authoritative
The definition I am most interested in is the third: “true to one's own personality, spirit, or character”. Being authentic is not always telling everything we know, though sometimes we can confuse providing information as authenticity.
Sometimes, some parts of what we perceived as our authenticity can be best kept to ourselves. Let me give an example. A colleague of my husband’s asked him one day how our daughter was doing. My husband excitedly responded, “She’s great! She’s so strong and advanced. In fact, she’s already trying to stand up. We think she may start walking any day now!” My husband was lovingly exaggerating a bit about our then three month old. The colleague told my husband very seriously to make sure our daughter didn’t skip the crawling stage or she may never learn to read.
That afternoon, my husband rushed in the door, concerned about our daughter’s literary future. I reassured him, “Baby. Two things: 1. Welcome to the Mommy Wars. And 2. She’s going to learn to read!” We giggled together. Perhaps the colleague believed that she was being authentic, but the presentation came across as scary, maybe even judgmental.
Each of us must find a way to determine who is our authentic self and who to show that self to and how. Some of us rely on conscience, some on the Holy Spirit, others on our own conclusions. In any case, we will be the healthiest and happiest version of ourselves when we are true to who we are, presenting that self well and compassionately to others.
